i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
