Got a toothbrush?
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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