Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
