I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
