all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
