I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
