Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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