I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
