I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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