What did we do last night that was yellow?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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