the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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