If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
