the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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