if you like me you must not know who I am
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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