remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
