guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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