I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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