tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
porn star boner night. come get it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
