you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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