first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
