so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
