I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
