Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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