i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
