It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
