this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
