So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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