note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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