I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
