Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
