capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
