he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
