I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
