First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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