So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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