his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
