Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
