That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Less talking, more tequila
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
