Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Never joke about your clitoris.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
