Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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