Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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