If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
