just tell him i said nine months
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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