Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
