You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
