I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
