i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
