So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
