I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
