If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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