Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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