a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
