I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
