the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
