saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
